Will You be there in the Morning- Heart

So I am having a lot of ups and downs this past week.  It started last weekend when I went to Kelli’s graduation party and that weekend some stuff went down that are best left unmentioned but it started to make me think.  Then Kelli’s dad was going in for surgery and I was trying so hard to be there for her because I was her closest friend and I know I would want a friend that I can lean on if I was going through that so I was trying the best I could to be there for Kelli. 

Unfortunately my girlfriend did not like that. Being there for kelli had caused me to cancel a few plans with her and she felt like I was cheating on her. She said that I would rather spend time with kelli than with her.  Well her acting all jealous and trying to control who I hang out with is really pushing me away and making me upset.  As she was walking me to the T station she got super upset and we left each other upset.  Halfway through my train ride I receive a message from her saying I hurt her and should not contact her until Tuesday. Of course I got really upset and broke down on the train.  When my sister came to pick me up I was in tears and pretty much cried all the way home.  I decided that this break would be a good thing though. It would give me some time to really think about what I want and what I need.  So I started to feel better.

I then received a message later saying she regrets what she said she acted irrationally and she wants me to call her.  I was taken aback by this and ended up responded saying I am going to take this break and not talk to you until Tuesday.  Unfortunately she did not do the same and has been texting me everyday at least several times a day. Today she even got me to call her because I thought she was hurt or sick. 

I really want to be free to meet new people. I am sick of living in this bubble of Simmons crew girls…I wanna meet other people too! I am getting to old to be dealing with all this stuff.  Plus I want to live the life I want to live without being told what to do and feel bad when I do stuff that my gf may not like.  It’s my life for god’s sake not hers!

So I am making a Pros and Cons list of staying with her another list of things she needs to change or let me do if she wants me to stay and be happy.  My list is not complete so I am still not sure…but I will probably show her and see what she thinks. 

So I will be on vacation this week hopefully I can sort this out…

-Mel

Dani California- Red Hot Chili Peppers

I am so happy right now! My sister came home!! Unfortunately she is not :( I went up to providence to pick her up with Kevin. She was fine until about half way through the train ride...Then her girlfriend texted her saying she wanted a few days of no communication. This made mel very upset. So I have been doing everything in my power to cheer her up! I drove straight to the only fro yo place I know of in CT and bought her it! and I brought Kevin home so I could spend some sister time with her. He has been awesome about the whole thing! he actually told me to take him home. Then I got wine for us and my mom bought coloring books! Today we made goat cheese, spinach and avocado grilled cheese! Then we are going to get mani pedi's later and tomorrow brunch! then a week in maine!!! So many good things!! i just hope mel can stop feeling bad and start to enjoy life!! It hurts me to see her so sad! but then again I feel like she hasn't been happy for a while. She used to smile more and was able to let go and have fun easier...now its harder for her, but she is able to do it! but when she does her girlfriend always turns around and makes her feel bad for going out and having a good time... its so annoying! so I am hoping she uses this little break to look at her relationship and see if there is more good then bad. I just want to see her happy again!!!

Today also happens to be my parents 28th wedding anniversary!! wow I also cant seem to stop yawning! I am so tired! blah. Hopefully a week in Maine laying on the beach all day will help!!


-Amanda

Wouldn't it be nice- the beach boys

I am actually happy. I havnt been this happy in a long time. I am so thankful that my dad made it through surgery and is goin to be ok :) I have amazing friends and I'm meeting some awesome people!

-Kelli

Believe-Justin Bieber

Sitting in the waiting room with my mom as my dad gets his surgery done. It's a 9 hour surgery so we will be here for a while. I am thinking positive thoughts and a couple minutes ago my mom and I both had a feeling of relief come over us at the same time which was really strange but cool at the same time.

Everything starts from something or something would nothing and nothing if your heart didn't dream with me.

I am also looking forward to a new chapter in my life after this exam :)
Can't wait!

-Kelli

Boston- Augustana

I haven't written in a week and a lot has gone on...some which I can talk about and some that I can't.
I guess i'll just list what has happened in the past week.
1. continuation of studying for the NCLEX
2. Had my graduation party which was fun
3. dealt with my ex and his family at my party which was not fun because the whole family dynamic is controlling and I can't handle it.... i'm glad hes gone now
4. other stuff happened that's confusing that I can't talk about
5. realizing my ex girlfriend doesn't have feelings for me anymore and doesn't like me and realizing how much it hurts and even when I ask to be friend because I value her friendship especially when I need friends now and she doesn't even respond...
6. My dad is having surgery on Wednesday and we found out last Friday... he has a tumor in his spinal cord and i don't wanna say it but he could become paralyzed but i'm thinking positive thoughts because hes so strong. But I feel like I have no one close around me to go through this and I know my mom is going to be so easily mad at me because she will be stressed and I won't have anyone.
7. Regretting decisions I made a couple years ago
8. Going to the cape at the end of July now so I can help my mother with my father unless things are a lot worse
9. wanting to be in Boston more than ever now
10. having insomnia sucks
11.  I'm really nervous I won't pass my NCLEX
12.  I'm scared
13. Now that I have no one...its the first time since I was 17 where I am completely alone with no one caring for me like I had in a relationship and its scary like wobbly
14. I can't wait for my apartment
15. This is going to be a really hard week
16. I miss my ex girlfriend
17.  Why do I screw things up all the time
18.  I had a lot of fun last night with all my friends but I wish I made a decision that I made last night like 2 years ago
19.  I saw so much family this weekend and it made me realize the people that really care about you when things are scary like my dad's surgery...
20.  I want to be happy.  I want to be so happy...the happiness I felt where everything was going in a positive direction and the last time I felt that way was 1 month ago when I was with my ex-girlfriend...

O well happiness will come.

That's all for now.

-Kelli

All we'ed ever need

So I saw my ex girlfriend today. I was super nervous driving there... She is the first person I've ever driven an hour for just the day. I wish I didn't sweep feelings aside like I always do when I get nervous... Im such a fucking coward... Because now that she moved on I still want her so bad... Like she invited me today and I didn't have to go but I wanted to. I wanted to see her... But I want to know why she wanted to see me... And what happened that made her realize she didn't want to see me until maybe back in boston... I understand that was her first relationship and she wants to take the summer and do whatever and I should too... But i still have such strong feelings for her... We kissed today too and she kissed me first... My feelings we were so strong that I wanted to cry... No one has ever made me feel like that. I could kiss her for days... She knows just how I kiss and she kisses the same (which makes it really enjoyable) but her feelings have changed I know they have which is just why she said to wait to see what happens in Boston instead of a complete good bye... I hate myself... I def don't wanna be the crazy ex like my ex boyfriend was... And what hurt was when she said 2 months ago she would of been super excited for me to come and wouldn't of been able to sleep the night before but this time she was just nervous because she didn't know what we were gonna do... We went through the process at 2 different times.... All I wanna do is spill my heart out to her... I know shes afraid of being Hurt and I won't do it again... I don't wanna sound desperate but I care about her. After talking to Becca the other day she made me realize that when you really like someone you would do anything for them and it shouldn't matter what others think and I would drop everything... O well I guess this is a sign to move on even though I don't want to.. I wish Amanda and Mel lived closer so I could go have fun with them... I even talked to my mom about this because I was so upset... She didn't have much to say but at least she was understanding... I well I'll keep this updated :) I guess just think happy thought and believe :P

-Kelli

What Makes you Beautiful- One Direction

So despite my best friend and my twin sister having a hard time I have had a pretty awesome week! Kevin and I celebrated our one month anniversary. We went out to foxwoods for a really nice dinner and i played the slots and won $33!!! Then we went to a hotel room, and put rose petals in the shape of a heart on the floor! it was really cute!! Then on saturday I went to my house in Bridgeport. It is so cute! I am so excited to live there!! It even has a gas fireplace. :D Then saturday night I went and saw the new snow white movie with Kevin and his family. It was pretty good!

I can't wait until friday when I get to go to Kelli's for the weekend! I am making her an amazingly awesome b day present!! and we are going to spend the whole weekend having dance parties!!


-Amanda

Untitled

I hate him I hate him sooo much!! I try being nice ex boyfriend but all i wanna do is scream....he makes me sooo mad and suffocates me.... then my parents are always wanting my to hang out with him and they invite him over....I am juts trying to be friendly until after my grad party since my mom already him and family (of course she would) I am sooo not happy with life right now....i dont have anyone to talk about any of this because no one would understand.  Then on top of it all my dad has a mass in his back that could be cancerous and all these tests have to be done.... so everytime i go to my mom with my ex boyfriend and life problems she gets mad at me and starts yelling...i wish I had a sibling or a friend that lived closer.  I am afraid to say or ask anything around her...she so fucking frustrating!!!! She should go marry my ex boyfriend if she loves him so much because he kills me and makes me want to run away.... he is even going out on dates with another girl and I dont even care... then on top of all of this I have to study for the NCLEX and its so hard to when all this stressful stuff is going on..... I just need someone to talk to!!! ..................... life sucks

-Kelli

Stop Standing There- Avril Lavigne

This past week has been full of lots of ups and downs for me. I have moved into my summer home and let me say I HATE IT!! Like truly hate it!! I am so home sick and the girl I live with has made me feel less than welcome. The girl who I am subletting from left pretty much all of her stuff so I have to find random places to put my stuff, it is super annoying. My room mate has also reminded me constantly about how she misses her old room mate and the one shopping trip we went on for food she spent the entire time on the phone to her and I did not know what to get…. I don’t think I will end eating half the food I bought. She has offered to make me dinner several nights, but she like doesn’t eat anything but veggies, and I can only live like that for so long. I have been getting heart burn and stomach aches…plus I think I’ve lost like five pounds since I moved lol.  Hummus and greek yogurt can only get me so far.

Now Kelli has moved home for the rest of the summer before she starts her nursing job and I am going to miss her soooooo much!!!! I wanna go with her!! I feel so lonely here, I mean I have my girlfriend and her room mate but I just wish I was home for the summer. It would be a lot less stressful and I would be saving money instead of spending.  Oh well, no use living in the past.

I did get to take Kelli out for her 22^nd birthday! I hope that she had fun. I ended up leaving her and her friend there because I had to go to work at 7:30 the next morning :P I am still working my two jobs and trying to run and work out when I can. Still a semi relaxing summer

-Melissa