All we'ed ever need

So I saw my ex girlfriend today. I was super nervous driving there... She is the first person I've ever driven an hour for just the day. I wish I didn't sweep feelings aside like I always do when I get nervous... Im such a fucking coward... Because now that she moved on I still want her so bad... Like she invited me today and I didn't have to go but I wanted to. I wanted to see her... But I want to know why she wanted to see me... And what happened that made her realize she didn't want to see me until maybe back in boston... I understand that was her first relationship and she wants to take the summer and do whatever and I should too... But i still have such strong feelings for her... We kissed today too and she kissed me first... My feelings we were so strong that I wanted to cry... No one has ever made me feel like that. I could kiss her for days... She knows just how I kiss and she kisses the same (which makes it really enjoyable) but her feelings have changed I know they have which is just why she said to wait to see what happens in Boston instead of a complete good bye... I hate myself... I def don't wanna be the crazy ex like my ex boyfriend was... And what hurt was when she said 2 months ago she would of been super excited for me to come and wouldn't of been able to sleep the night before but this time she was just nervous because she didn't know what we were gonna do... We went through the process at 2 different times.... All I wanna do is spill my heart out to her... I know shes afraid of being Hurt and I won't do it again... I don't wanna sound desperate but I care about her. After talking to Becca the other day she made me realize that when you really like someone you would do anything for them and it shouldn't matter what others think and I would drop everything... O well I guess this is a sign to move on even though I don't want to.. I wish Amanda and Mel lived closer so I could go have fun with them... I even talked to my mom about this because I was so upset... She didn't have much to say but at least she was understanding... I well I'll keep this updated :) I guess just think happy thought and believe :P

-Kelli