Boston- Augustana

I haven't written in a week and a lot has gone on...some which I can talk about and some that I can't.
I guess i'll just list what has happened in the past week.
1. continuation of studying for the NCLEX
2. Had my graduation party which was fun
3. dealt with my ex and his family at my party which was not fun because the whole family dynamic is controlling and I can't handle it.... i'm glad hes gone now
4. other stuff happened that's confusing that I can't talk about
5. realizing my ex girlfriend doesn't have feelings for me anymore and doesn't like me and realizing how much it hurts and even when I ask to be friend because I value her friendship especially when I need friends now and she doesn't even respond...
6. My dad is having surgery on Wednesday and we found out last Friday... he has a tumor in his spinal cord and i don't wanna say it but he could become paralyzed but i'm thinking positive thoughts because hes so strong. But I feel like I have no one close around me to go through this and I know my mom is going to be so easily mad at me because she will be stressed and I won't have anyone.
7. Regretting decisions I made a couple years ago
8. Going to the cape at the end of July now so I can help my mother with my father unless things are a lot worse
9. wanting to be in Boston more than ever now
10. having insomnia sucks
11.  I'm really nervous I won't pass my NCLEX
12.  I'm scared
13. Now that I have no one...its the first time since I was 17 where I am completely alone with no one caring for me like I had in a relationship and its scary like wobbly
14. I can't wait for my apartment
15. This is going to be a really hard week
16. I miss my ex girlfriend
17.  Why do I screw things up all the time
18.  I had a lot of fun last night with all my friends but I wish I made a decision that I made last night like 2 years ago
19.  I saw so much family this weekend and it made me realize the people that really care about you when things are scary like my dad's surgery...
20.  I want to be happy.  I want to be so happy...the happiness I felt where everything was going in a positive direction and the last time I felt that way was 1 month ago when I was with my ex-girlfriend...

O well happiness will come.

That's all for now.

-Kelli