So I’ve realized in life that I have always wanted others to
be happy and I never thought about myself because I was always wondering what
other people thought of me or how they might react. And because of this I never let myself be
myself. And then I decided to change
this, which was this semester, and I want to find myself. But I am also realizing that I am transitioning
from being in college to the real world and that being in college also gives
you friends in different years and when they graduate you don’t see them as
much and most of my friends are older than me, like Amanda and Melissa and I
see Mel but she has a girlfriend so obviously the girlfriend comes first but my
best friend Amanda lives 2 hours away and I can only see her for a few hours on
the weekend and I havnt seen Molly since October and my other friends don’t
talk to me as much because I no longer do crew.
And being on the Crew team bonds you and you also have a different
schedule from the rest of the world. And
on top of all this I am trying to figure out if I my life as liking guys and
girls and having family that is completely against it…it’s a hard road to take
but it will be worth it to me… and my girlfriend is totally worth it…But I am
also just jealous of my girlfriend, and I hate jealousy. But she has so many friends and she is
younger than me so she will obviously have more friends in college right now
but I want to constantly have friends to hang out with… and I always want to
hang out with her and her friends like to just be with her…or she just likes to
be with them…I can’t tell…. O well…
And I also hate when people complain about me on facebook…maybe
I read into it too much but….its happened a few times…I mean grow up and tell
me to my face instead of acting like a 12 year old and being sneaky and weird
about it. But whatever no skin off my
back….
I also have so many feelings for my girlfriend and I can’t
tell if it’s crazy butterflies, that I really like her, or love her…I mean we haven’t
even been together for a month and my feelings are so strong…it’s crazy!!
-Kelli
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